Attending a Japanese Wedding: Goshugi, Dress Code and Etiquette

If you’re invited to a Japanese wedding, reply to the invitation by the date given, bring a cash gift (goshūgi) in a special envelope, dress smartly but not in white, and expect a structured reception with speeches, toasts and a gift to take home. For a friend’s or colleague’s wedding, 30,000 yen in new notes is the most common gift, and you hand it over at the reception desk when you arrive. A few set phrases, like おめでとうございます, and some knowledge of words to avoid will help you feel at ease.

Replying to the invitation

Invitations (招待状 shōtaijō) usually come with a reply card. Reply by the deadline. A traditional touch is to cross out the honorific 御 or ご before 出席 (attend) and 芳 before your name with two neat lines, circle 出席, and add a short message such as ご結婚おめでとうございます。喜んで出席させていただきます. If you can’t attend, reply politely and consider sending a congratulatory telegram or a gift instead. See how to write a letter in Japanese.

The cash gift (goshūgi)

• How much: 30,000 yen is typical for a friend or colleague; relatives and bosses often give more. Odd numbers are preferred because they can’t be divided evenly. Avoid amounts with 4 or 9, which sound like death and suffering.
• New notes: use crisp, new banknotes, which you can get from a bank. Used notes can suggest you didn’t prepare.
• Envelope: a celebratory envelope (祝儀袋 shūgibukuro) with a red-and-white or gold-and-silver cord tied in a knot that can’t be undone (結び切り), because a wedding should happen once. Write 寿 or 御祝 at the top if it isn’t printed, and your full name below.
• Handing it over: carry it in a cloth wrapper (袱紗 fukusa) if you can, and give it at the reception desk (受付) with a short greeting, then sign the guest book.

What to wear

• Women: a smart dress, not white (reserved for the bride), not too revealing, with a jacket or shawl for the ceremony. Avoid all-black outfits without colourful accessories, which can look like funeral wear.
• Men: a dark suit with a white shirt and a light or silver tie. A black tie is for funerals.
• Kimono are welcome, especially for relatives and close friends.

The day: ceremony and reception

Ceremonies may be Shinto at a shrine, chapel-style or in front of the guests (人前式). The reception (披露宴 hirōen) usually lasts about two and a half hours, with seating plans, a toast (乾杯 kanpai), speeches from the boss and friends, cake cutting, outfit changes (お色直し), a letter from the bride or groom to their parents, and a return gift (引き出物 hikidemono) for every guest. Some couples also hold a more casual after-party (二次会 nijikai) with a set entry fee instead of goshūgi.

Useful phrases and words to avoid

Words linked to separation or repetition are avoided in wedding speeches and messages: 別れる (to part), 切れる (to cut), 終わる (to end), and repeated words like 重ね重ね or たびたび, which suggest remarrying. If you’re asked to give a speech, see giving a Japanese wedding speech.

Common mistakes

• Bringing a physical gift instead of goshūgi to the reception (a separate gift before or after is fine).
• Using a plain or funeral-style envelope.
• Wearing white, or a black tie.
• Not replying to the invitation by the deadline.

How Hanabuddies can help

Our native Japanese tutors teach one-to-one online, in English, and can help you practise greetings, write a message in the guest book or card, and prepare a short speech. If the families don’t share a language, we also provide English–Japanese interpreters for weddings, in person in Japan or abroad (you cover the interpreter’s travel) or online. See interpreters for weddings with Japanese guests.