Nomikai Etiquette: How to Handle a Japanese Work Drinking Party
A nomikai (飲み会) is a work drinking party, and it is one of the main places where Japanese colleagues relax and build relationships. The core etiquette is simple: wait for the toast (乾杯, kanpai) before drinking, pour drinks for others rather than yourself, thank whoever paid, and say thank you again the next day. You do not have to drink alcohol: ordering a soft drink is normal and accepted. Going to the first party and leaving politely before the second (二次会) is fine too. Join when you can, because the conversations at a nomikai often make work go more smoothly.
Before it starts
- Reply to the invitation. Even if you can’t go, reply politely: せっかくですが、今回は都合がつかなくて… (“It’s kind of you, but I can’t make it this time…”). See how to say no in Japanese.
- Seating. The seat furthest from the door (上座, kamiza) is for the most senior person. Newer staff usually sit near the door, so they can order and help.
- Payment. Many nomikai have a set price per person collected in advance or at the end. Senior people sometimes pay more or cover everything.
The toast and pouring drinks
- Wait for kanpai. Drinks arrive, someone gives a short speech, and everyone raises their glass with 乾杯！. Juniors often hold their glass slightly lower than a senior’s when touching glasses.
- Pour for others. With bottled beer or sake, fill other people’s glasses and let them fill yours. Hold your glass up with two hands when someone pours for you.
- Pace yourself. If your glass is full, people won’t keep topping it up. A nearly full glass is a polite way to drink slowly.
Not drinking
Many people in Japan don’t drink, for health, religious or personal reasons, and saying so is normal. Order a soft drink or oolong tea (ウーロン茶) and join the toast with it. Useful phrases: お酒が飲めないので、ソフトドリンクにします (“I don’t drink, so I’ll have a soft drink”) or simply 今日はやめておきます (“I’ll pass today”). Pressuring someone to drink is widely seen as harassment, and most workplaces now discourage it.
Phrases for the evening
| Japanese | Reading | When to use it |
|---|---|---|
| お疲れさまです | otsukaresama desu | Greeting colleagues as you arrive |
| お注ぎします | otsugi shimasu | Offering to pour someone’s drink |
| いただきます | itadakimasu | Before you eat or when someone pours for you |
| お先に失礼します | osaki ni shitsurei shimasu | Leaving before others |
| ごちそうさまでした | gochisōsama deshita | Thanking whoever paid, at the end |
| 昨日はありがとうございました | kinō wa arigatō gozaimashita | The next morning, to the organiser or whoever paid |
After the nomikai
People are more relaxed at a nomikai, but it is still a work event. Avoid complaining about colleagues, and be careful even if someone announces 無礼講 (bureikō, “no ranks tonight”): people still remember how you behaved. The next-morning thank you matters. For the conversation itself, see small talk at work, and for the bigger picture, Japanese workplace culture.
Practise the conversation
A nomikai is mostly casual conversation in a noisy room, which is hard to practise from a book. In online lessons, a Hanabuddies tutor can role-play the toast, small talk with your manager and the polite way to leave early, so you can enjoy the evening.